FAMILY FEASTINGS: The Latest Halloween Horror From Mouthing Off
‘Family Feastings’ is a horror poem from Sam Barrowcliffe, illustrated by Liam Callebout. It’s the second instalment in our Halloween mini-series: Five Nights of Horror.
The Barons and McMannons were the best of friends
The did everything together… ’till their lives turned the bend!
It all happened one sunny afternoon in July
With the sun, a clear blue, and birds in the sky;
But, as their wise old grandparents would say
We must all buy our meal tickets and pay up, someday!
Alas, both families set out – completely unprepared
For the heinous horrors they were destined to share.
On that freak day of sun, they looked forward to fun!
Little could they have foreseen of this miserable run…
As the wives and the daughters had stayed home to knit
And the husbands and sons had found baseballs to hit,
It came in the form of a solar eclipse
And by God, did it wipe the smiles from their lips.
The children saw it first, fingers pointed up high
“Mummy, Daddy look, the sun’s gone – no lie!”
But the parents noticed the blackness, oh yes sir they had
And from somewhere in their heads, a speck of madness grew bad.
You see, something in that darkeness changed them for the worst;
It gave the Mummies and Daddies the most terrible blood-thirst.
And who better to kill for a taste of human flesh
Than their own children – ha!
Well, couldn’t you guess?
Down in the field all ball batting had stopped
For the once healthy sons were attacked on the spot;
Turned venomous, the Daddies swung wildly on sight
And completely and utterly punched out their lights!
Meanwhile, still dark, way back at the house
The Mummies, too, were hungry for a taste of young blouse
And though quickly to the door their young girls did dart –
They were caught, knitting needles driven straight through their hearts.
And there, the parents of the dead did feast on their young
Gobbling up eyes, lungs, stomachs and tongues!
So now we reach our spectacular show-stopper:
As the darkness that made their brains come a cropper
Vanished in seconds, when the sun came back
To restore all the sanity they’d suddenly lacked.
Then the parents looked, in shock, on their young
With their gobbled-up eyes, lungs, stomachs and tongues
And though they gasped and they wept, their tears falling in showers
Nothing they could do would bring back their dear flowers.
And so we reach the end of the Barons and McMannons,
As the parents blew their brains out with rusty hand-cannons!
And when the Mummies and Daddies lay down there, all dead,
The house and the field turned a thick shade of red.
So hear me now when I say:
If you’re ever out walking on a fine summer’s day
And see a shadow ‘cross the sun
You better turn around right there, high tail it and run!
